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    August 29

    Sorry

    When I woke up this morning, I found I received a message early in the day, maybe last night.
     
    My feeling was very complex, which is beyond my description.  How come I had never thought about getting such a message!  Am I insensible?
     
    I want to hurt no one.  So I cannot give a positive reply, and I answered it carefully:
    Thanks for your kindness, and I hope you can find your happiness soon.
     
    I feel sorry for that person but I cannot help.
    Everyone has his/her own dream.
    August 27

    Weekend

     
    I must be very tired because I did not sleep last night, for googling some information about the trip.  I don't want to join the group since the act of being limitied.  So it will take me more time to prepare it. 
     
    But today is weekend.  I want to relax and change my mind.  Then, going to NanKun Mountain is the best way, which 1-2 hours far away.
     
    It is my first time to come here. 
     
    The scenery is very beautiful.  There are several villages at the foot of the mountain.  They seemed  old and peaceful.  Wisps of smoke rose continuously from the chimneys.  
    It was rained this morning, the mist still wreathed the hilltops.  Bamboo grew everywhere, looked strong and green. 
     
    After nightfall warm clothes are a must here .  Since the temperature fell 4 °-5 °.        
     
    The night was well advanced.  The whirring or trilling sound, which made by some insects filled the air.  It souned like an engrossing symphony. 
     
    August 24

    Standard

     
    There are many names on my MSN contact list.  They are usually interesting.
      
    Today a friend changed his name again "my standard for girl friend: Witty and pretty even without any make-up.  True, ingenious and fond of soya milk".
     
    What a funny name!
      
    "Do you forget something in your standard?"  I teased him.
     
    "What?  Believe in Buddha?"  Because he believes in Buddha.
     
    "No.  The forgotten one is an important standard, I think.  That is: to love each other."
     
    "That's right!  I get it."  He put it as the first standard.
      
    Sometimes, it is easy for us to forget what we really want.
     
    August 23

    Mr. & Ms.

    There are many contacts by E-mail in work, so we don't know the sex of each other.  Sometiomes we can guess by their names, but sometimes it is difficult.
     
    So many jokes will happen.
     
    I always be considered "Mr." because of my Chinese name.
     
    Today, a foreign investor E-mailed me about visiting our company.  He called me "Mr."  in the email since we had never seen or called each other before.  I wanted to tell him that he made a mistake.  But it seems that it is not polite to do so.  And then I think out a better way in my reply:
     
    Dear Mr.XXX,
     
    Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact Ms. XXX(my family name) on tel.xxxxxxxx or Mr. XXX (my colleague's family name) on tel.xxxxxxxx.
     
    Best wishes,
    XXX(my Chinese name)
     
     
    After a while, I received his replied:
     
    Thanks a lot, Mr. XXX.
     
     
    Then, what else I could do?
    August 22

    GIFT

    I love gifts very much since they always bring me surprise in my life. 
    When I am waiting for a gift, the life is full of expectation.
    When I give someone a gift, I hope they like it as I do,  so I can share the pleasure with them.
     
    Last week I learn more about gifts.
     
    I wanted to give a gift to a friend who involved in its preparation.  It took me more than three weeks to wait for it.  But when I heard these words, I was disappointed:
    “I am not sure I ought to receive it or not, because some gifts  cannot be accepted.”
     
    What an abrupt manner it is!
    The words hurt me at that time because I had never expected such a response.
     
    But after a while, I think it is part of my problem.
     
    There are two kinds of gifts in the world.  One is the favourite of the giver, the other is the favourite of the receiver.  Shoule we think about whice one it is when we give someone the gift?
    I just do it without thinking about that before.
     
     
    I met YingYu again last weekend.  The little girl is very cute.  She searched inside her mother’s bag, and found a necklace: “ This is the gift  for you.”
    “She said that she had never given you a gift, so she searched her wardrobe before coming, and at last she found her favourite necklace. ”  Her mother said, “I had never seen her so generous before!”
     
    The necklace is short, pink, and made up of many shells of different  shapes. The little girl must be beautiful when she dresses in her pink skirt and wears this shell necklace!  But I am a grown-up…
     
    “Oh, it’s so beautiful!  Why don’t you put it on?”  Mother winked at me.
     
    O.K. I got it.  It seemed I had to do it.
     
    “Could you help me to put it on?” I asked the little girl.
    “No problem!”  She was very happy, I could see that.
     
    After that, she always called me to bend down, and helped me to make it well all the day.  I think I had no chance to take it off , thougt I enjoy it despite the strange eye sight from the passerby.
     
    The necklace maynot fit me, I know, but it is not only a necklace.
    August 17

    message

    At the busy time.
    I got a message from little F:
    "I will be crazy!  It is too depressive to me!  So that I cannot control myself to go into the washroom crying.  But it is too busy now, after that, I must wipe my tears away, return and go on with the work! …#%$&…"
     
    Oh, my God!  I never heard any coarse language from her!  How beautiful and couth she is!
    Poor girl!  She seems to be agonized with life these days.
     
    I remember the words we talked about last night:
    Sometimes the life is just like being raped, if you cannot resist it, then enjoy it.
    (I cannot say that with Chinese, it must increase the crime rate.)
     
    So I replied:
    Such  enjoyment is just temperate.  Everything will go back to its track.
    August 16

    phone call

    There are many many phone calls every day.  I always stop my work to pick it up.  After that, I will forget what I was doing before.  For planning my time, first I try to record how many calls I received one day.  But God likes to make fun of me, there were much less calls today: just sixteen.
    August 15

    八月五。逛

    紧张的工作。
    周末出逃
    又来到了北京路
     
    儿童书店的招牌没了
    里面是一堆堆手袋
    和一串串叫卖
     
    外文书店的门面没了
    曾经令人景仰的文字
    流落在一条通向公厕的小巷
     
    饥肠辘辘之际
    一阵熟悉的饺子香
    让我回到了小时候
    那间摆满文房四宝的集雅斋旁
     
    经年间
    油墨的气息消逝了
    伴随着古老的店铺
    旁边的八珍菜馆
    竟然还在
    古语云
    民以食为天
    原来是真理
     
    找到了那间邮局
    如今只剩下柜台
    写了两张明信片
    一张寄给
    生存在广州的人
    一张寄给
    生活过广州的人
    August 12

    这个周末

      很晚了,才把手头上的工作了结。
      
      办公室里响着嗡嗡的风机。
      蓦然发现四周的墙壁上,竟然映射着融融的光环。
     
      身躯的疲惫业已淋漓尽致。抽丝剥茧,最后残留了一丝满足。
      是充实与奔忙的区别?得拿去化验。
     
      明天又是一个周末。
      Jianghua说羡慕。因为他只有在年假中遐想。
      我说7天下来,我只有一个周末。
    August 10

    八月八日,鸡蛋花开

      八月八日。
      从早上开始,我就一直在打这个电话。直到中午,终于通了:
      “喂~”还是那种慢条斯理的爽朗。
      “生日快乐。”
      “哈哈,你还是出现了!每年只有这个时候你才会出现!”
      忘了和Wan是什么时候开始这种无契之约的。我们从来不是同学,高中时认识于一个校外的社团。那段日子里,一星期总有那么几天,我们会在社团的办公地点打个照面。
      我欣赏她的笑容,阳光灿烂,像我喜欢的夏天。
      后来,高考渐近,社团里的伙伴们被迫收心养性,纷纷离开了那片热土,见面便少了。
      再后来,高考,大学,不同城市的工作……彼此的联系,仅仅系于几个数字,只有在拨打时,才凑成一个完整的符号。
      
      “你一年到头都像蒸发了一样,只有在今天,才会自动浮出水面!”
      Wan在电话里投诉。每年如是。其实彼此已经习惯了。
     
      每年打这个电话以前,我都会有种担心:要是听到的是“该用户已停机”,“我们”是不是也随之消失了?
      有时候,友谊竟然只是脆弱地存活于一堆数字之中。
     
      
      本是不喜记友人生日的,为免繁文缛节礼尚往来的不胜其烦。但老天似乎深谙此道,结交伊始就让他们的生日不约而同地巧合,或前后脚地聚集。所谓“物以类聚,人以群分”,可能也是如此。
     
      同一天。
     
      凭印象。给Wei发了条短信:
      “不知有没有记错:生日快乐。”
     
      不到一分钟,收到回复:“多谢你记住我,收到这祝福好开心。”
     
      “你一直都记着我,所以我一直都很开心。”
      说的是真话。
     
      接触Wei以前,很多人都善意地提醒:这是个很难相处的女人。在大多数人眼里,她是个精明美丽能干的女强人,事业上万流景仰,和她在一起,会让人感到无形的压力。
      忘了是怎么和她成为朋友的。年龄、阅历、身份、地位……我们似乎从来不存在交集。
      然而,又恰恰是她。
      当我遭遇人生重大决定时,会搁置忙碌跑到外地和我秉烛夜谈。
      当我一个人在外眠霜卧雪时,会以一条条信息,或一通长途雪中送炭。
      当我坚持朋友之道平等回赠时,会史无前例地接受和我一样T恤牛仔裤的行头走在大街上,脚上踏着,她平生第一双的运动鞋。
      
      有时候,没有交集的友谊,呼吸同样宽广。
     
       傍晚。回家途经一处街道拐角,忽闻一阵沁人的气息,清幽,深刻,而单纯。香气四溢的灌木丛里,掩藏着一株极不起眼的鸡蛋花。暮色中,淡淡的鲜黄正从花的中央向四周渐散,近一半之时,纯白至末。 
    August 02

    当局者迷

      最忙的时候,接到母亲的信息:有空致电家。
      她向来很少在上班时候找我,除非有事。

      回电。
      “妈,怎么了?”
      ……
      电话里是母亲小心翼翼的声音。每次上班通话,她总是充满歉意,生怕打扰我的工作,最后往往连一声“再见”都顾不上就匆匆挂机。经常是我立即回拨,仅仅为了补回“再见”。

      电话里,母亲开始喋喋不休的陈述:
      “昨天胸口发闷,差点窒息,被返修办的工作人员气的……”

      ……

      我悄悄地带起了耳机,把手腾出来,好继续着电脑里的工作。
      一边是她的哭诉。
      一边是我的忙碌。
      中间,穿插着我的片言只字:
      “嗯……,哦……,是吗……”
      证明我在听。

      我确实也在听。
      虽然不是很专心。
      就像大人一边忙着手中的家务活儿,一边听着小孩声泪俱下地对邻家孩子的控诉……

      “你会怪我这样做吗?”
      末了,母亲怯怯地问,仿佛等待着我严厉的责备。

      “不会啊,可能那人不了解前因后果。以后有这样的事情你打电话让我来处理嘛!”
      “我……怕你忙,也……怕你说我,昨天已经忍了一天了,但心里面很难受。”
      突然,我的心像被狠狠地拧了一下,抽搐的疼痛。
      键盘上的敲打声,嘎然而止。

      半晌。我终于听到了自己温柔的声音:
      “要不,你给我发信息也行啊,我可以在有空的时候处理嘛。”

      “嗯,你不怪我就好!”
      母亲在电话里莫明地高兴起来:
      “我还怕你说我呢!每次有什么事,你总是说我的不对,帮着外人……”
      忽然,我又想起了周一的早上。我开着120的时速在高速上躲避着一辆载满小流氓的车,哥哥在一旁不是和我同仇敌忾,而是不分青红皂白地让我先检讨是否自己开车的方式挑衅了别人。当时我气得好半天不跟他说一句话。
      原来,我们都习惯了对至亲的人苛求,对外人宽容。

      一番安慰之后,母亲挂了电话。
      其实电话里说的事情昨天就已经结束了。
      其实母亲根本就没指望我能帮她什么忙。
      

      前两天看到同事在BLOG里自责忽略了母亲,在她生日里没送什么礼物。作为局外人,我的留言很超然:
      你和他们共聚的时光,就是最好的礼物。

      到我,竟也当局者迷。

    August 01

    An Apple day

    A busy day.  But I get an apple.
     
    Thanks the music from Baidu.
    Thanks all of the postcards from my friends.